I would not shut off the voice mail, I'd just not give it as much power as you seem to. There are calls you might want to know came in, whether you want to return them or not is your decision. Some calls you can return replies or whatever by email, instead, and other calls you can ignore if you want but if someone you love calls you for help, you probably want to know so you can go to them and help. I'd rather struggle with myself to call/not call than to hear, "I called you but you weren't there (for me)" from someone I loved when I know I was but had deliberately turned away.