I've been trying to find a new T but I'm scared and angry. I know you're right, that I need to find a new T and work through it. I've been hinting that direction by mentioning small, vague details, to try and get an understanding of right and wrong, but I'm still afraid of getting him in trouble.

I feel pathetic for that, especially now, after how he's treated me, which makes me realize just how much he messed with my head. I don't think he did it on purpose, but it doesn't change the fact that it been messing with my head, haunting me for the last nine months, and I need some way to let it go.

I take it instead of what I was originally going to therapy for that I should begin with this. Maybe that's the only way I can get past it so someone else can help me. I'm just so afraid. He'll be so angry. I wasn't supposed to tell anyone. In truth I'm worried he's already angry, that he already knows, somehow. I'm trying not to blame myself, but I am.