When I think about it I don't want an open releationship. I think it was partly my lack of partners and partly the lack of being desired from her. It makes me feel unattractive to be pushed away. I struggle with self esteem enough and I admit I am sensitive to it. I don't think I can get over this hurt from her and fix it. Every fiber of my being is telling me to step back and take care of myself. I am seriously considering moving back to the house me and my brother own. I need to heal and work on myself. I don't think that is possible being with her and having a constant reminder of rejection and lack of someone caring about me.