I believe forgiveness is independent of rebuilding. Forgiveness has to come first. As far as putting it behind you, ignoring it won't accomplish that. I presume ignoring the emotional affair is really what you mean by your words "trying to look past". Talking about both of your vulnerabilities can be an essential part of rebuilding. If she would rather talk with him than you, that just doesn't work. To say she has to be 100% committed may not be realistic until she feels loved by you, I presume she doesn't feel that. If she would prefer to share her heart with him instead of you, that must the break point. She is making her choice, you need to make her understand that (gently) and let her choose. You can not choose for her, but, you don't have to allow her to continue in an intimate relationship (it's intimate even though presumably not physical) while she lives as your wife.