I know there is something wrong with me, but I do not really know what is wrong, or how to make it better. I do know that I have anxiety, panic attacks, anger issues, and OCD. My old therapist helped me with these problems, and a couple of years ago I thought I was getting better. Lately, I feel that I am constantly getting worse, and that more problems are arising.

First, I feel that I am unable to focus at times. I often find it more difficult to focus in the morning and the early afternoon, and I feel like my eyes cannot focus on anything. I have been having trouble driving, and even looking at someone for more than a few seconds. I do feel exhausted and wonder if that is the problem, but why do I always feel so... spacey?

Second, I work multiple jobs, but I do not feel wanted or useful at any of the jobs. At one job, my manager never schedules me when I am available, and I always have to find people to cover my shifts or switch shifts. When I am working at that job, most people are mean to be and make comments about me. At another job, many of my coworkers act like I do not know what I am doing, but when the manager comes over, I am the one doing it right. I just always feel like I am in the way. I even feel like I am a burden for my family, because I feel that I take out my emotions and frustrations on them, and then they do not want to spend time with me or listen to me.

Third, I am stuck in childhood, and sometimes it worries me. I did not stop believing in Santa Claus until I was a teenager, and I wish I never stopped believing. I do not have many friends my own age. I am almost finished with college, and I have never been to a "party" before. I still watch the Disney Channel on the tv, and do not have interest in more adult shows. I often wish I had someone to play board games with, and when I do not have anyone else to talk to, I talk to my stuffed animals. I have also talked to myself since I was a kid. Sometimes, I rub my own head to calm myself down when nobody else is around. I also enjoy drinking juice boxes, and eating "kid stuff." I feel like I never really grew up. I do have times when act like an adult, but I would rather be a kid, play games, and have fun. I have been working for six years, and I enjoy working, but sometimes I feel like I am a kid mentally.

Fourth, I get really emotional easily. I am very sensitive to anyone yelling, or anyone telling me what to do. I feel like a child who cries when the parent says no. If a teacher, parent, manager, or coworker tells me that I am wrong or says no, or even says "Do this," I feel hurt. I do not cry in front of people, but I am always upset at the end of the night.

Fifth, I am afraid of many things. I am afraid of falling asleep sometimes, because I get nervous that I am going to suffocate. I am also afraid of death. I am also afraid of standing up for myself.

Sixth, I often have anger outbursts for random reasons. These outbursts normally happen when I am alone or with my family, but occasionally flare up at work and I have to go into the bathroom. When I am angry, I scream, and I kick things, throw things, rip things, and punch things uncontrollably from ten to thirty seconds. It really scares me, and I am trying to gain more control over the problems.

I just do not know what to do. I eat healthy, I exercise, I drink plenty of water, and I work really hard. I have a fiance who loves and cares about me very much, and a couple of nice friends. I just feel like I am going crazy, and like I do not know anything anymore. I was molested a couple of years ago, and sometimes I wonder if that is why things started to get worse. I really need someone to talk to, and I really need some advice. I do not go to the therapist anymore, but I may need to find a new one for the future. I would rather have some feedback on here first, because I want to know how to feel just a little bit better. It really sucks to wake up depressed every day, wondering when things will finally get better.