To make you less lonely with the eating thing... I have a thing for dairy, mostly milk though, and if allowed I can drink incredibly amounts in just one day. Dairy is soothing and habit forming for me. I don't really make a big thing out of it, maybe you shouldn't either. It doesn't make you weird or disordered craving it, because I know it doesn't make me weird. Of course it doesn't really solve problems but what does?

It seems like something within you makes you disrespect yourself and shop despite the bad outcome. It is a little like SI. Or self punishment mixed with comfort. Mixed things are hard to wrap ones head around.

I hope you can find better ways than destructive ones. I wish I had good suggestions. You seem so much like a good person and it blows that you think somehow you need bad treatment.