I had a productive session today. You know how it is when you and T just feel like you're on the same wave length, and the session flows? That's how I felt today, and last week too! It's pretty amazing to me that I've gotten past the "I want what you can't give me" to "I like what you ARE giving me!" I'm not sure it will last, but I feel good now!

We are doing SE about anything I talk about, which is helpful. I wanted to finish talking about what I couldn't ask my Mom, but as soon as I thought about the anatomy word, I panicked. My T used SE to get me to recognize the physical feelings in my body, and get grounded by looking outside the window at the trees. Back and forth. Calm vs. unsettled. After a while, I was okay with telling her what I wanted to. She asked how would it have been if I would have been able to ask my mother what I wanted to? I said I would have been so relieved; it would have made a major difference in my life. She said I could hold onto that; it could help me now. It just occured to me that's like what we used to do in EMDR--visualize a better outcome!

We talked about art and what it means to her and to me. She does abstract art, whereas I want my paintings to "look realistic". I brought in a couple of abstract water color paintings I did as an experiment, as well as one where I followed the lesson in my book. I felt freer doing the abstracts, but to me, they aren't "good". It was an interesting conversation. We used SE to describe my feelings about the paintings I brought in. She liked my use of "unsettled" to describe the way I felt about one of them. Or "settled" when I felt calm.

My T complimented me on how well I'm doing in therapy. I said, "you mean you aren't tired of me yet"--half joking, and she said something like "of course not".

We also talked about the zoloft and how maybe I won't try anything else. At this point in my life, I don't want to waste time worrying about meds and their side effects. I can make that decision for myself, at least for now. That felt good; she was proud of me for doing what I felt was best.

Overall, such a satisfying session.