so, I've had a second panic attack in the span of 8 days... I don't recall having panic attacks like this before... Today's was in walmart while waiting at the deli counter. I'm not sure at all what triggered it, but I suddenly needed to be done with shopping. My mom waited for the deli order, and I flew around the store grabbing what I could remember off the list we had. Then I made the mistake of asking my wife where she got the black beans for her dip last time, and she decided she wanted to make it today, but we needed more ingredients... so instead of hyperventilating in the middle of walmart and collapsing into sobs, I told them I was headed to the car. I just about ran. I put my headphones on and sat in the car rocking the rest of the time it took them to get out. I even had my wife drive home, because it wasn't really letting up. It triggered an overwhelming urge to self-injure. Suddenly, all I could think of was frantically trying to find something to hurt myself with, so I sat and rocked harder in the back seat of the car, blasting my music... Once we made it home, my panic continued (though leveled off) so I took an anxiety med to help calm me down (I was home now and had the ability to isolate myself to be able to si, so I thought meds might be a better response). Even that did not help. My wife came into the bedroom when I called her and held me for a while... I still really want to self-harm to make the anxiety leave completely, but I'm sitting in the living room trying to distract. I want to cry and hide and hurt myself. I really don't like this feeling... When I took the ativan, I had to fight the urge to take the whole bottle because I was so frantic to get rid of the panic...

I'm really glad I will be seeing my T again tomorrow and we can talk about this. I have no idea what's the trigger for these crazy and new panic attacks... I don't like them at all. I haven't really had a problem being out shopping before, especially when the place is so empty... I've had strong anxiety over being in a crowded and enclosed space, but not randomly in a huge store like that...

Has anyone had any experience with this? Does it correlate to anything you can think of? Does it make you want to si?