Oops. I actually did come back to this thread and wonder if I had made a wrong assumption. Sorry about that. I'll make another assumption and guess that if you wanted to tell us the nature of your relationship with the man who abuses you, you would have already. There must be something that keeps you in this situation.

I do think it sounds dangerous, because we know that this man can be violent, so who knows where he would draw the line? And victims of bullying or violence often internalize things and inwardly become enraged, and then some dam breaks and they can become extremely violent in reaction. Think about the school shootings and who usually does that stuff. And the home you grew up in probably socialized you towards putting up with and covering for abuse. We tend to repeat old patterns until we understand them and learn how to break them. It often takes help to do that.

BTW, those resources I posted would still give you valuable information. Battered women experience much of what you have described, as I'm sure you know, and the same people who know how to advise women being victimized by men they are in relationships with also know how to help other victims of violence and abuse. I know they would talk to you and connect you with appropriate resources for your circumstances and location.

TC,
Rap