in a foul mood. funny how things change. from "in in a good enough mood..." to "in a foul mood"

ive been crying over my fear. im doing laundry and my mother yells down "you're not doing laundry NOW are you, when im about to go to bed"

she didnt even say "hello" to me when she got home from work today.

the washer/dryer happens to be in her bedroom, so she comes in while i'm folding some towels and goes "why are your pants SO big? those cant be yours! not all big like that." so i say "yes they are" and she says "why'd you buy them so BIG?" and i say "i didnt buy them" simple as that

and she goes "what's YOUR problem?"

i have a lot of problems, mother...how much time and patience do you have? we can go through all of them right now. have yourself a seat.

they (aka my family) make little comments that bug the crap out of me. last time i was in a really foul mood for a few days (which was the week before last) my stepfather says to me "so...what do you do? pout and be mean at home, but as soon as you walk into work, your face changes and you're happy?" EFF YOU! and actually my work life makes me happier than anything else. i feel more at home and more welcome at work than i do at home... and the faces of those children that i get to take care of and teach and keep safe and watch explore DEFINITELY make me smile...so yeah, i put on a happy face when i get to work.

one of the children in my class says to me during that week i was in a real bad funk..."i dont want to make you cry" this is a 2 year old. how absolutely perceptive and connected are children? they just know. i was doing my best to not seem outwardly "down" or upset, but sometimes there's just no way of getting around people figuring it out. especially if those people are children. of course when she said that to me, i wanted to cry MORE than i did before she said it.

my words are all jumbled. bleh.