For the past 11 months, I have suffered with gender dysphoria. I've been in and out of websites, and I was never really confused about it, until I talked to a doctor about it, and started posting about it. Strangely enough on a site like this, I don't feel as nervous about it. Anyways, when I think about transgendered issues, I start to feel like I'm not in my body anymore. Like I feel like my arm has moved but it hasn't. It's really weird.

To continue, throughout my life, my parents would always do things for me, and always speak for me, and always tell me what to do. So now when I think i'm trans I want to run and ask people if I am, because I doubt I could at all be right. I don't really trust myself. Needless to say this has caused huge amounts of confusion, I mean I can't usually go through an hour without questioning it. If you add this with constant nervousness on the idea of being transgendered, well you get how nervous I am. And then I take it a bit further, when I assume I'd never be able to deal with these issues because of my disability, and well I kind of breakdown on the issue. If I could never be a girl why would I want to go down the path at all. And then I wonder if life is really pointless. And well the circle of confusion repeats.

What is really infuriating about these gender issues, is that fact that everybody says just be yourself. I mean, how could you know how to be yourself if you've never known yourself in the first place. I've spent my whole life mostly ignoring life, so what am I suppose to do to figure out who I am?

How does somebody who doesn't feel like they are the right gender build up self esteem to be okay with it? I could ramble forever with questions, but thanks whoever reads this.