I was a lot the same way. As you might remember from all of my posts on here lol. I understand completely about thoughts running out of control, triggering all kinds of emotions and blending together, and triggering moods that I never wanted to have.

You are a lot like me, we are fighters... and that means that we will never succumb and give up. I tend to start listening to angry music and get really defiant when this happens. when it would happen.

but then, finally, something would happen. there was no magic cure, no techniques that ever worked. nothing helped, until it got too bad. it got so bad that it ruled my life. yes, it was def a trigger for sui thinking and self harm. what would happen is that I just stopped caring. I felt bad about it, and it was totally selfish, but I just stopped caring and I know it was out of survival that I did this. I started pushing the boundaries. not caring. acting mostly how I knew I should act, but feeling the freedom of just being me. and in that not caring time, I found that I was able to leave behind the thoughts and being able to have a choice.

Now I care again, but I was able to leave the thoughts behind, for the most part. I hate that part of me, and since I hate it so much I am able to keep it at bay now.

I don't believe that there is any cure, any techniques, anything that will help when the thoughts and emotions get like this. like what you are experiencing. I must have tried them all exhaustively. I guess what I am trying to say, is that it is a process, and it is okay to get angry and go through a time where it's okay to stop caring about all the little things and get totally rebellious and angry.

I know that this is a part of us that we tend to keep at bay. We hide this part of us in attempts to be good people. but it was this part of me that gave me the freedom that I now have. I'm not saying to use it to turn your life upside down in a manic way..... no.... but anger is there for a reason and it can be used to finally deal with the things that are haunting you.

Sorry if some may see this as bad advice.... but that's okay. We all see things differently.

This was my process and I have the results to back it up. I hope that you can find something here that may help you.