I did sleep, took 3 klonopins over 4 hours. I'm "allowed" 2 a day, but just went for 3. I don't even need to take them everyday so I feel it was ok. Did not take an extra ambien. The lavendar lotion was soothing, along with my Bach flower essence for sleep.

But today is not so good so far. My bf came over this morning to drive my son to school to help me. He went outside to let the chickens out, but came back in and almost yelled at me that I had 2 dead chickens. I fogot to close the coop last night, and some animal came in and killed them. I feel horrible, I just totally forgot last night. It was stormy out, I didn't get home from work until after 7pm and still had to make the kids dinner. I started crying and asked him which ones were killed, I have 4, but 2 favorites. He yelled at me saying why would I even care because I don't close them up at night. I do care and later went out to check and my favorite, Goldie, is gone. Greenie the Genie is still alive though.

I was crying hard and told him I will drive my son to school and do not want his help anymore. He said he drove all the way over and could've been to work already, so I said go to work then. I told him I don't want to be with him anymore, that I feel he's really mean and critical and I can't take it. It's all too much for me, I'm doing my best but can't take care of everything. Told him he has his own house and I have this house, and we're never going to live together, he doesn't want to be married again, we barely see each other, so there's no point and I want it over. I left, he called and apologized but I didn't answer. I want it over.

Set me free so I may actually find someone who wants to be my partner and be a family with me and my children, someone whose vacations include me and my kids. Or I'd rather be alone, single, so I can focus fully on being my own family with my children.