I'm this pathetic needy loser who needs to go to T every week.

I view my T as such: smart, strong, independent, has nice hair, has the perfect family/kids and lifestyle. In some ways I'm putting her on a pedestal.

I also do look at her and see her imperfections or what I view as imperfections which are really incompatibilities to the type of person I am.

My T is going on vacation in a couple weeks and I'm not feeling great about that. I feel needy and like a loser for the fact that I'm going to miss seeing her the week she goes on vacation and I'm not sure how I'm going to handle it. I feel somewhat anxious and needy.

Finally there's a part of me that doesn't like her because I feel she has no idea what I'm going through. She grew up with a privileged lifestyle, went away to camp in the summers and had family that loved and supported her up through school and college.

I didn't have any of that.

Sorry if what I wrote is confusing. I have a lot stirring around my mind right now. I'm feeling really pathetic right now. Pathetic because I'm going to miss my T. Someone who has nothing invested in me other than time because I'm paying her. And it will never be any different.

That is hard for me to accept.