I'm sure you are correct that she has these positive traits. Interesting thing about it, I see you as being all these things too. You've gone through a lot lately, but none of these things have changed who you are.

She may have nice hair (I'm sure she does, given that you said it), but it's unlikely she has the perfect family situation. Her husband could be inattentive or messy or bad in bed, her kids could be insolent, spend all their time fighting about in sibling rivalry, be hated at school. Maybe she has one of those mother in laws who rearrange the kitchen cabinets or mop all the floors whenever she comes over, and complains out loud that she wished her son had married his high school girlfriend, who was such a better match for him. Maybe she's upside down on her car loan or feels stressed because of the size of her mortgage. In all likelihood, she has the same problems as you or I or anyone else, except that it's possible that she's further along her path to enlightenment because of the training she had to do for T school.

I also think that it is unlikely that any of us can know what our T's have been through to attain the appearance (if it exists) that their life is together or that they are "over" their stuff. I think my T is "over" some of the difficult stuff from his own past and I think he has a pretty positive marriage, but he's certainly not an outlier in his basic togetherness. I think he had to work really hard on his stuff and his peaceful and centered place in life right now is due mostly to his hard work, not necessarily because he hasn't had obstacles to overcome.

I've met many people who are like you identify: "She grew up with a privileged lifestyle, went away to camp in the summers and had family that loved and supported her up through school and college. " Some of them have had unimaginable horrible things that happened to them in childhood or adulthood, so none of these privileges prevent trauma or victimization. You may be right that she has no idea what you are going through-- but she may know all too well and just chooses not to disclose it. I think that many times we make assumptions about what someone has had to have gone through based on how well (or poorly) they are doing in life. But many people, both T's and others, work really hard to get to a healthy, balanced, mindful place and they are there not because they haven't had obstacles to overcome, but because they have overcome them.

And, finally, you're not pathetic or needy to desire to reach out for help or being worried about not getting what you need when your t is gone. Much better to be aware of the issue than to pretend it doesn't exist and be body slammed by your reaction.