yea. and the thing is i get pressure a lot from mental health pros to go. inside of me i know i should go but i also KNOW it would not help me and it would be such a waste of time and money for me. i feel nearly all the time i cant go on wif my life.

after being in hospital so much i try to think of what the worst possible scenario is as long as i dont do anything criminal you know? and that would be going in the hospital. so its like if i end up in the hospital - well im in the hospital right? but while im not - well than im worrying about it. i think thats what helps me go ahead and take the risks. i feel like if both leads to possibly hospital then why sit and worry about it. thats just me though. some people it cant work that way.