I am depressed, no doubt. I have a hard time putting things into written words, explaining the lack of background. I tend to think and talk like Ellen Degeneres ... In long, wide endless circles.
My SO and I have had problems for a long time. He was hurt terribly in his divorce, she took his children away, as well as his home, car, and all his belongings. I was recently divorced, great job, and in a good place ... My burden had been removed. SO told me once his ex said "sex is not love" and now I see what she meant. When I am sad, depressed, or in a really bad way ... He wants to respond with sex.
15 years ago I quit my job to relocate with him for a job he got. He said he wasnt going to "support me". I wasn't allowed to go when he interviewed to see if I would want to live there. He accepted the position without really discussing it with me - and it was 6 weeks post major surgery for me. We moved, I was unhappy, and after one year we returned. Our relationship has never been the same since, strained and feeling lack of respect.

I lost my job and haven't been able to get back my security. He is self employed and claims we can't do it on just his earnings (I comtribute with my inheritance savings right now). I am not able right now to support myself.

I feel that if we part ways then all my aches, pains, and depression will once again go away. I would move to my sisters area, but then I'd leave my dad. But am I chasing someone else's life? I'm not happy in mine right now.

I'm sorry this is all jumbled, but my mind races and I have difficulty getting it down.

There are only two people who have any clue of problems. My dad, but he thinks its the loss of my job. My sister, and she said it all sounds familiar (she was there to help me leave my ex, and then helped us relocated back home ... But now she is retired and is keeping her distance). I can't ask for help because I can't be truthful to myself, let alone outsiders.