Cocosurviving, these thoughts that occur such as harming yourself are not the real you. You were created to be gentle, kind, and loving. All these misguided and absurd ideas (not to be mean, please) are part of something you ate that disagreed with your system, something that was said to you in childhood that made you fearful
for your self (or even afraid of yourself). It could be any one of a thousand things
said or done that led you to believe that you may not be as good as you think you
should be.

That's ridiculous. Please see yourself as the having been given a gift of life that is
meant to be lived with gentleness to yourself, love for yourself, and so caring for
others, too.

Whenever these thoughts hit you, try to think "this is not me; it's something that
I've eaten or failed to do to care for myself, but it's not me." And dismiss the ideas
as alien to your person. (I suppose a spiritual person would say that they are the
taunts of evil spirits that want to touch you with antagonism. The other spirits
of spiritual goodness will challenge that for you and give you peace.)

Sounds weird, doesn't it? Read some of the spiritual exercises of Ignatious Loyola
on the internet. They will help you see what's bothering your psyche.

Remember, you're a good person and you have much to give to life.

Take care.