I was incredulous and taken aback when my psychiatrist first suggested that I may be on the bipolar spectrum. To me, bipolar was crazy and intractable. I felt bad for people with the diagnosis, I knew that I never wanted their struggle.

Soon after that I researched online the bipolar spectrum and bipolar 2. After the initial reluctance, there was a revelation that was exciting and comforting in the sense that I had made a step forward in understanding myself. So many months later my psychiatrist decided that we had enough evidence that I was bipolar, and my diagnosis was changed. The diagnosis has not changed what I experience, even though earlier in time I thought that a bipolar diagnosis was to be avoided. I'm still depressed and anxious. The struggle exists regardless of a label. The benefits of the diagnosis is that I have a mode through which to understand myself. I have a direction to take in terms of treatment. I don't have to blame myself.

In terms of stigma. I feel as though there is less stigma towards bipolar being medicated versus receiving medication for depression. Bipolar may have more of a 'crazy' stigma, but depression has more of a 'you're just weak' stigma. Which is the lesser of two evils?

There are immature reasons to hide behind bipolar diagnosis: It's okay to be medicated, at least my disorder sounds as bad as I feel, people know I'm sick and that I'm not as responsible, etc

But there are also great reasons to receive the diagnosis: Understanding, more effective treatment course, more realistic understanding of blame and responsibility, and hopefully acceptance.

I don't believe that having any biological disorder makes you less responsible for your actions. However, I do believe that we aren't 'responsible' in the sense that we never created our disorder and we do not have to blame ourselves for how we feel. We have the responsibility to make every effort to experience successful treatment. We have the responsibility to take care of ourselves, our life, and to take care of the people around us as well.