I can not express in words how much you and everyone here means to me. I've been running amuck and haven't posted since Wedns. Today is Saturday. I forgot completely what happened Tuesday night before court. But I have now, through the help of friend, put the pieces together. Tues. night, I had visitation with my kids. My lawyer had told me not to make payments on my car, and put my beloved piano up for sale to get another car. My husband, knowing where I was going to be parked, told the finance company. As I, my children, and my monitor were walking out of the piano place (I was checking to see if it was going to be sold anytime soon) My car was being repossed. I went completely numb. My children ran over to the tow truck driver and he helped them get my things out. He felt very bad for me. I felt bad because all I could do was sit on the curb while my children got my things out of the car. Then I wasn't me anymore. I still had 30 minutes left with my visit, but one of me told monitor, "No thank you, I'm done for tonight." I must have called my friend, I don't remember anything, because he met me in the bolling alley bar. He said I made several phone calls. I found out later that me (but not me) called my therapist and talked for a long time. My T confirmed this conversation next day. I still do not know who was called or what was said. My friend said I wrote a letter to husband, it said: "Read Deutoronmy. The worst sin in God's eyes is disdain for the poor, widows and orphans. God has told me not to pray for you anymore. You have been given many chances, and God is done with you. I am not to be concerned with your welfare again. God said to me "I am done with this person. I am to take care of myself and wait because the children will need thier mother healed and restored." I found part of the note on newspaper. It was not my handwriting. Not even close. Apparantly, I went to the children's house and dropped off my daughters birthday present and gave husband note. I found a bank receipt that I had also made a deposit into the auto-teller. But I don't remember any of this. Someone on this website mentioned a "protector" and I think that the person that took over that night. He/she was very angry and very aggressive per my friend and T. I appreciate the "protector" standing up for me, but I could have gotten in a lot of trouble from "protector's" agressive anger and absolutely no fear of any consecuences. I can not get to my T because I have no transportation and I have no income now because state disability said I was o.k. to go back to work because when I was sent to thier Psychiatrist, according to the report, I (but not I) said I was fine and recieving no psychiatric treatment at all. This person also told the Dr. that I was not now, nor had ever been suicidal. None of this was true, but now I don't think the Dr. was lying. I do not remember any of that interview at all. I think one of the subs was talking and did not want to be "mental." I also found out I've been getting on adult websites sending very personal pictures and chatting with strange men. I'm sorry this is so long. I'm just so scared! This is not me!! I am a mother of two children, who worked as a supervising psychiatric nurse in a long term facility. I loved my job and I loved working with people that were incapcitated from mental illness. Now, I feel worse off than they were. I am trying to keep track of everything I do now, by leaving clues on peices of paper, and having friends "watch over me." As soon as I can get some money, I am going to start purchasing books from Myself's booklist. Please, any suggestions on how to control what's going on withing me would be greatly accepted!!! </font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> Someone once told me, just by admitting you have a problem and seeking therapuetic help, places you 50% closer to wellness.