Hi Yoslos ~ I'm so sorry you're suffering so. I too have depression, and it's severe. I've suffered from depression since I was a small child and it's been difficult. I wasn't able to get any help for it until I was in my 20's because my parents were too busy getting drunk.

Yoslos, I know you said you refuse to get help, but I don't understand why. If it was available to you, would you go? Why not check with your local Dept. of Social Services and see if any mental health services are available to you? You might be surprised and find that you CAN get some counseling, either for free or on a sliding scale. It's worth looking into. Depression isn't something to be taken lightly. Sometimes people go into "remission" where it seems to go away, but most of the time it comes back and very often with a vengeance! So look into it.

If help isn't available thru Social services, then talk with your doctor --- he can put you on an antidepressant temporarily until you CAN go into therapy. These medications are great for easing the depression -- In fact since I have clinical depression I'll have to be on these for the rest of my life. I've already been on them for about 40 years!! I've tried going off, but each time I fall into the worst case of depression you can imagine. I can't live like that. So talk with your doctor -- he can help you.

Best of luck and God bless. Keep us posted, ok? Hugs, Lee