My main reason to keep going on is because I could never "do it". I've thought about wanting my life to end; and at times I fantisize about what it would be like to die. There are times when I feel so down that it would be nice to exit out. But typically the next day, some little nice thing can happen. And then it gets my hopes up.

I never came close to ending it all. I've thought about it and thought it would be nice, but I never came close to doing anything about it. When I feel down enough that I would want to end it all, it's for circumstantial reasons. It would be because I would feel lonely and depressed. But I tend to get over that fairly quick.

Just one time I felt suicidal because of an anti depressant I took. I didn't want to take the anti depressant in the first place, but my doctor thought that I should. The side effects made me feel that way. I don't know what that medication was called. It was a generic kind.

In my life I came close to being killed three times. Not by suicide, or course. I came close about two years ago when I just missed being in an intersection on my bike when someone ran a red light. On the road that I was on, the traffic light was green. I was about 10 yards from approaching the intersectoin when I saw an SUV running the red light. He hit a car that had crossed the intersection just in front of me.