I haven't had a nightmare, bad dream, about my fiance that died in quite awhile.

Recent events and disturbances are manifesting in my dreams...I saw my fiance in my dreams tonight and the symbols were telling me to pay attention to my feelings and intuition.

I feel incredibly distressed right now...as I just awoke from the nightmare.

I am saying my affirmations, trying to calm down and remind myself everything is - and is going to be - ok. I feel horrible, though.

My skin is crawling and I feel the anxiety bubbling inside of me. My brain feels too full. The truths really, really hurt.

He reminded me in my dream of things ... he spoke about me, to me, wrote to me, wrote about his feelings of us. The journal belonged to both of us and we both included various entries.

.My friend A found his writing about me, written in the notebook....in pages written way backshe made notes in the margins,and then further into the notebook/journal write to me: "I can see his fingerprints on page 8. They are still there."

I could barely see them. They were smudges. But they were his

He never loved me and only wanted me for my money and lifestyle. And for what he fantasized /thought he could get from me. How his life could-would change dramatically with me. He could stop working.

Same as what is happening now with new guy.

I hate them. I hate myself.

I have often felt that he stole my heart, and took it with him when he died. With the new guy, I did not give him any part of the heart I have, that I had to retrieve....literally bring back from the dead.

But I feel with the new guy, he was trying to steal my body and soul. I was feeling smothered and trapped. So I resisted him and tried to create space between us, which he would not give me. He wanted to have every bit of me. Despite my protests.

I feel disgusting and deflated (depressed) all over again.