Oh gosh. I feel for you here. Being the responsible and dependable one in the family has its drawbacks! I take it that your sister is rather dramatic, and that her drama in some way appeals to your mother.

You say that you've always taken a back seat to your sister and her problems. That is a hint. It makes me wonder whether you're asking for what you want in a way that your mother can hear or understand. Your sister makes her problems loud and clear, but what about you?

I can understand this sentiment completely. You don't want to be a burden, so you solve your own problems. However, I would bet that your mother enjoys her role in helping, and doesn't feel that this is a burden.

She's been doing this for years and years, with no sign of stopping or slowing down, correct? To me, that means that your mom likes being involved in her daughter's problems and likes trying to help. So, maybe you should give her a chance?

Have you told your mother this exact thing? That you need one on one time with her?

It sounds like you are really carrying around a lot of resentment and regret. Family relationships can really take their toll. I wonder if you are feeling overwhelmed and needing help with your children? Are you under a great deal of stress?

Your feelings are always valid, regardless of what others may say. This hurt is coming from a place within you that struggling, that is starving, that is not getting what it needs. I know it's hard, but I think your feelings are trying to tell you what it is that you really need. Have you thought about what you really want from your mom, apart from feelings about your sister? Do you need a break from your kids? Do you need her support?

I think the solution to your hurt and anger is to try to get your needs met. If that happens, then I don't think your sister's behaviour will bother you any longer.