Writing in a journal might help. It will enable you to see things that are not readily
observed in yourself immediately.

Meditation also helps when lonely or depressed.

Have you considered seeing a psychiatrist for an evaluation? You may have something chemically that is going on that needs attention. There are medications that can help with what you are experiencing; a psychiatrist is the best one to
see about that.

Take care of yourself; it can get better with help.