im supposed to be on meds. i SHOULD i mean.

i have schizophrenia
ive gotten picked up by the police a lot for being delusional/hallucinating. been in hospital about a dozen times. and prob get offers to goto the hospital on average 1-2 times a week from various professionals but usually family.

i am told that i just cannot function without them. i dont disagree i know this myself. i mean i know i cant function daily.

thing is - i used to be on medications. and am prescribed 2 big ones right now. one being Haldol. im always put on heavy heavy doses and lots of diff ones. at one time i was on 6 meds last year. but about 2 years ago i gained a lot of weight. 80+ pounds. i started to show signs of diabetes. i started to pay real attention to my physical health and stopped meds cold turkey. i had to. if i didnt stop them immediately i wouldve gone on to have diabetes and THAT i cant change. not that i know of anyway. that was when i really started looking at what these medications do. still have secondary physical problems from the weight gain like with my bones but its not serious. thankfully. if i have mental problems and im trying to fix them WHY do i have to add on serious physical problems just to have mental relief? some people say its a small price to pay. but NOT for me. not at all. thats ...a HUGE price to pay.

thats my main issue.
that and my paranoia of those meds and this WHOLE american mental health system.
those meds ARE poison. think about it.