Well... I guess what I keep living for is people - though it's not always enough. Maybe if someone needed me - like a child - but no one actually needs me. There's a few who'd be pretty hurt if I killed myself, sad if I died. There's a few people who'd be devestated... of course I don't see in myself whatever they see. Feels like I've pretty much ruined whatever potential I had - which then again may not have been much coming out of the abuse peers gave me.

Really not afraid of death... I kind of hate to admit it - not because I'm ashamed of my faith, but because I'm such a poor example of it - but I'm a Christian. I'm entirely confident I'm saved, and don't believe suicide would exclude me from Heaven - unless maybe I was living in total rejection of God - and I wouldn't do that. Not even in suicide... I guess it'd just be the result of this disease... if that's what it is, and not just my own stupidity. I don't think I've ever feared death.

If you can't think of anyone, then I do not want to see you die. Your life is valuable, even if you don't believe it right now. Mine, on the other hand, isn't worth spit.
I tend to think of it the other way around... I guess that's common enough in self-haters who are at least somewhat of a nice person. Feel like a hypocrite, though, thinking like that.