Damn I am so sorry your going through all this .

Maybe you are going into a downward spiral to hell . Oh I hope not.

Are you able to "ground yourself" ? Are you able to meditate at all , I know that's hard when you feel so scattered ..

Do you have any of the lithium left? Maybe take one or 2 a day for just right now ... they might help ..

I wish I had better advice

Please take care of you.. find time for yourself !!! You need it , plain and simple

Take care of you , keep posting and know Im sending you love and good thoughts