Quote:
Originally Posted by LovelaceF
I don't think that sexuality is so simplistic as to be boiled down to a normal/deviant dichotomy. I think there are shades of normalcy. There are so many people who have one kind of particular sexual interest, or another, that I am hesitant to write them off as immediate addicts.
Without prying too much into OP's life, I would venture to guess that her husband, years ago, had her doing something that is very common, if not completely "normal", but that she didn't feel comfortable doing.
She has drawn her boundary lines about it, and he's stopped asking, from what I can tell. However, she hasn't forgiven him for this episode that happened ~9 years ago. Apparently, this is all coming up again due to recent sessions with a T, I assume. That's good, and means that she's working through this issue for herself.
Additionally, her H. is now trying to stop his porn habit. I don't know why he's doing that, but it may or may not be something he's trying to do FOR HER. Clearly he enjoys this habit of his, so there must be some external motivation for him to stop. He's not here to answer for himself, though, so there is little point in my further speculation.
Thirdly, the man wants daily sex. I don't think that is unusual at all. Lots of men want daily sex. Even some women want daily sex. I don't think that his asking for daily sex for two weeks is "undue pressure". It would be undue pressure if she said no, and he persisted anyway.
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Your first point. Sure, normal for one person may not be normal for another. However, the poster wrote that he is a sex addict. She also wrote about how he "Early in marriage he ordered, cajoled, wheedled, connived and manipulated me into doing some deviant sexual things that shamed me terribly.". Those are not words I daresay, chosen lightly, and I would have thought (esp with the mention of a sex club) that this isn't just a slight variation of the missionary position! And as she is married to the man, I guess she knows him better than you or I which is why she wrote that powerful statement.
She may have drawn boundary lines, but by her sheer frustration when he asks to go to a sex club, to me spells that he's not listening to her wishes, let alone the pressure put on her to have sex every day while he weans himself off porn. That's bad enough, but really, a red flag is waving, not just because that is emotional blackmail. How will he know exactly how many nights it takes to wean a person off a habit? I bet most people would like to know, but I fear it would take as long as it takes. I would presume that even he will not know until after the event. He is, to me, just trying to get a good thing for himself here and I wonder after two weeks, that he declares himself 'not quite cured yet...'.
And yes, some people want sex every day. And some people do not. It should be that they work it out, not use emotions to make someone do something they do not want to do. How do you decide what is undue pressure? Putting aside the fact that he's not listened to her during therapy etc and her wishes, I think that he is putting undue pressure on her, by using emotional blackmail with the 'if you have sex with me every day for two weeks then I may be able to stop porn'. To begin with he shouldn't even ask this. Then there is the fact as I mentioned before, he is a grown man and its up to him what he does with his life. I would just prefer it if he did not pressure his wife and listened to her.