Quote:
Originally Posted by adam_k
I think you are right. I got a therapist this week I started talking to. I regret telling my wife about my depression. I think it overwhelmed her and she couldn't help me. I am going to work on me before I start another releationship. I feel as if I ruined this one. I feel like if I would have dealt with this ten years ago I would have been better off.
I'm not looking for person to cure me of suicidal ideation. I know that has to be done with a trained professional. What I want is someone I can rely on when I am in crisis to help me not do anything rash. I have almost no support in my life. I masked me depression from everyone because I feared they wouldn't accept me or would judge me for feeling this way. I have a lot of shame for having depression. Everytime I have reached out for help it has ended badly for me.
Less than two months reaching out to my wife and we are about to seperate. My family made me feel horible in my teens when I reached out to them. I was laid off from my job a month after I took a week off to seek help.
I tried to bury it within myself and I ended up withdrawing and overworking myself. I feel as if I pushed my wife away from me with that. It feels like an unruly burden to carry and I have been unable to properly deal with it.
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Sadly depression is something of a stigma still, and it shouldn't be. There is a new (never seen anything like it before) advert on TV here in England talking about mental illnesses. Its darn good and not before time.
I really think that you're on the way.. the way you speak, even with all the awful stuff that you've gone through is really amazing and show's so much self-awareness. Surely that's the start of the recovery?
I agree with that you probably shouldn't have told your wife all the things you did, but you were not to know (or to blame) on how she handled it. She really should've told you she wasn't qualified enough to help and/or aided you with outside help. Having affairs isn't a kind thing to do, and this action is not your fault.
I also agree that you should try working of yourself first before starting on another relationship. I am a true believer that a person has to be reasonably happy in their own skin to have a good relationship. But I can feel it in my bones that when you start to feel better (and you will!) you're going to be one heck of a catch!
Good luck Mister, and big hugs.