When I was in my teens and early 20s, I hid all my emotions from everyone. I confided in no one and allowed all of my emotions to boil over into terrible actions. Then, in my mid to late 20s, I opened up. I told lots of people about my diagnosis, my feelings, my past, my scars. I wanted it to be in their face because then they couldn't ignore me. And maybe, by telling my story, I would allow those suffering in silence some room to share.

Then, right about 2 years ago, I realized that this strategy was backfiring and pushing people away. I started to play down my illnesses, my stress, my past. I never talked about things that would rock the boat or shock people. Occasionally, I would talk about dealing with depression, being on an anti-depressant, nothing more. And I have cocooned myself in a prison of my own loneliness.

I recently shared some things about my past to someone new in my life. And I think I overwhelmed them. Honestly, this has been the reaction from every person I've told, except one. Maybe I don't know when to open up. Maybe I should never tell another soul about how I truly feeling. But it hurts. It hurts so much. I really just want to be accept for who I am, as is.

And I even worry about opening up here. The fear of rejection is so great.

I hope this makes sense. I just need to get it out and off my chest.