I don't think this really ultimately is about D/s at all. I think this guy messed you about because of his own issues. I don't think it's your fault, and I don't think it's possible to find sense. What you need is someone who respects you more, as unfortunately he ultimately behaved very selfishly. Reading your post, I don't think it sounds like a healthy D/s set-up. I think you felt bad about yourself because he strung you along. You deserve much better.