Hi.
It sounds you are having a really bad time right now. Whom ever told you that you were just trying to get attention was very wrong. The family physician I used to go to years ago told me something similar. He asked me if I was acting depressed so that I wouldn't have to work. Some people may think that, but I don't think the majority do. Don't let that stop you from searching for a therapist. A therapist won't tell you that.

Actually, you have already taken the first step. You have admitted to yourself that you need help getting through this. When you are choosing a therapist, before you go looking, decide whether you think you would be more comfortable talking to a man or a woman. Matching yourself with someone you will be comfortable with is important, and you may have to try more than one. Remember, you have control of the session. You don't need to spill your guts on the first appointment if you don't want to. Sometimes starting with just telling a therapist that you are depressed and how long it has been going on is the easiest. From there, discuss what you think you can. If the therapist asks you a question about something you aren't ready to talk about, tell him that.

Hiding feelings is something that those of us who deal with depression get good at. Society has gotten better about accepting and talking about emotional and psychiatric problems, but there is still the fear of how you will be perceived by others. Its really no different than a physical illness, just in another place. Depression can be just as painful or even more painful than a physical illness.

Like you, I suffer from migraines. I can see where you might be tempted to cover an inability to cope by passing your depression off as a migraine on a really bad day. Try to avoid that though, or you may wind up with the wrong medications. If you can't bear going to work one day, and have to call in, just say you aren't feeling well that day. That way you are telling the truth, but don't have to go into detail. I don't know how frequent or how bad your migraines are, but if they are often and severe, they may be playing a role in your depression. Make sure to tell a therapist about your migraines, and you may want to see a regular physician for migraine medication. You don't need physical pain on top of the emotional pain.

Unfortunately, the time when you need a therapist the most is also the time when its the hardest to make decisions and reach out for help. You can start by looking at various therapists in your area with an online search. Sometimes you can find more about a therapist before you actually go there. On some sites, people will comment as to whether they like the therapist or not. Even though what someone else may like may not be what you like, it does give you an idea about how people think about the therapist and comments from patients.

Your fears are not irrational. Regardless of whether there is truly something to be afraid of is immaterial because the effect is the same. When you are depressed, part of you has slowed way down, and the other part, your emotions can go into hyperdrive. Things that would normally not upset you, really bother you when you are depressed. Don't ever feel like your fears are stupid or that your reaction to them makes you weak. Actually, I think you are stronger than you think. You've admitted to yourself that you need help, sought out this forum and started to open up here. That takes courage.

However you find a therapist, the sooner you do, the sooner you can start to feel better. Sometimes, if you are scared of somthing you have to do, it is better to just do it rather than wait and let other fears creep in. People here will understand you and "listen" even if you only want to vent your feelings.
Please let us know if you found a therapist. Try not to get discouraged if the first one isn't right. There is one out there for you.

Sam2