I am so upset. My daughter dropped my iPad face down on my ceramic tile and cracked the screen pretty badly. I didn't yell. However, the look on my face was enough. I started crying, she started crying. I feel horrible for making her feel horrible by bursting into tears but I was SO upset. I think it might have been better to yell. I know, it's stupid to be so upset over a "thing" but I am. I told her I wasn't mad at her, and that I was just sad because it was broken. I really am not mad. Just sad. I think she understands. She seems to be ok now and I've reiterated that I love her more than I would/could love any iPad. But every time I look at my iPad I get all teary. I can't even think about "the incident" without wanting to cry.

I really feel crazy today.

And I feel stupid. Really childish and stupid. It is the one thing in the house that means a lot to me (aside from family and pets of course). But seriously? Why can I KNOW that I'm being so stupid and immature about something and still not be able to stop myself from feeling like this??

I am going through some weird crap the past two days.

Last night, paranoia. Today, irrational outbursts. I didn't yell at any of my kids or my dogs today so at least that's progress. But I did have it out with my husband last night over some stuff (that was valid) and did it as calmly as could be, despite saying the most awful things to him (which were not valid). Apparently, I'm a much nicer person when I'm an emotional wreck.

I also did not get a phone call that I have been desperately waiting for for the past two weeks. Which makes me feel really worthless. No one wants me. I'm an out of work loser who can't get a job even though I apply for jobs I am definitely qualified for.

I am really feeling helpless right now. Overwhelmed. I don't even know. It just seems like everything is crashing down today. I am a disaster inside of a train wreck wrapped in an explosion.

And what's worse, is that there are so many people out there who have real reasons to be depressed or hopeless and here I am, all sorry for myself and I feel like I shouldn't be.

I just want to get in my car and drive away.