blimey, thats on elong post PJ.

you know that im supporting you, we have talked over pm's but not about any of this. so lets get started....

first off, there is nothing "wrong" with you. you have depression, it doesnt mean you are "wrong". and what are you "wrong" compared to? those self obsessed "cool" people? no. your over protctive parents, who are afraid of showing their love to you? no. no one. you are not "wrong", your not normal no, you are better than that. i can see that, as can everyone else.

we've spoken about your "friends" before. you are better than that. you know that you dont have to prove anything, that you are cool and a good person, nobody can take that away from you and you certainly dont need to prove it. the type of person you are means you will naturally gravitate towards true honest and nice people. you are good fro them, honestly you are. and what intellegence do you actually need to be that kind of person. you have alot of intellegence. and not just "school knowledge" either. you have good knowledge about life and who you are and that is the most valuable knowledge you can have.

you are in the same boat as me. i havent been in a relationship fpr about 2 years either. it is hard, and lonely. it makes you doubt who we are and we think we arent good enough. we think that we dont deserve it. thats how i feel about myself but i can see more than that in you. i know you deseve it and i know you are good enough. and i know that you will make someone so happy one day, and they will make you so happy too. i know one day you will meet a man who blows you off your feet and gives you everything you could possibly want. the reason you arent dating is for the same reason as me, you have no confidence. but the difference is you have people that fancy you. why dont you try getting with them, even if it doesnt last, at least you are trying. im not saying to get with every person that looks at you, but if you think you like somebody, just go for it, you never know what might happen. take the chance whilst you have it. some of us arent as lucky. you will grow to appreciate who you are and accept that you are pretty and intellegent. you are a good person and somebody will notice it one day like i can.

not being told about sex froma young age can make you shy. i was never taught about sex. but i use to see my mum dating loads of men and she use to bring them back home at ngiht which i hated. she and my dad were divorced by then. i was told at a young age that my dad raped my auntie (mums sister) and i was sexually abused at the age of 10, so i have always been put off by sex, so im still a virgin at 19. and it makes me feel so lonely and nervous. but im sure you dont have those experiences so it wont be the same. you have nothing standing in your way, and you are a great person, you just need to let people see that. i know its easier said than done but it is possible.

you are your own person PJ, so dont feel bad that you dont do what your relatives do, or what people from your country of origin do. you do what you like, you are unique. so if something makes you happy, do it. and if something doesnt, dont. it doesnt matter whether your race does it or not. its up to you. you have to realise that you are allowed to have your own beliefs, your own opinions and if other people dont agree, well so what.

you say you are frigtened to open up. i think you are doing great so far. you were able to come onto PC and write that long post containing what you consider faults. thats not the easiest of things to do.

you arent complaining, you are doing what you need to do to get better. just keep up the good work. and i will speak soon, either over pm's or here int he forums.

take care

simon