This makes total sense. I was completely fake in my early twenties, though I think it was just crisis of identity and trying to fit in with whomever I was with at the time, which happened to be the fundamentalist Christian group. And they didn't take my mental illness too well when I finally started to open up about being depressed. They thought I needed to have more faith and be prayed for and that I wasn't doing enough spiritually. In my mid twenties I was opening up to everyone and scaring people away. I figured hey, this is me, take it or leave it. From my late twenties until now, I feel like I've been hiding behind a wall. I don't know what parts of me to share. I don't feel like I have anything left to share. I started isolating several years ago and it's gotten to the point where it's hard work to even get myself to go out with people I'm not deeply connected with (which, now, is down to one person). So I totally understand. It's difficult.