Quote:
Originally Posted by adam_k
Have you told or talked to him about what you find pleasurable? Obviously his behavior is a big turn off to you, but during the act, have you told him what you like? For my relationship, she liked foreplay. Touching, kissing and such before. She also enjoyed oral and finger play. I don't know you or what you like and I'm not asking you to share, but does he know what you like?
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Adam,
I'm so grateful to have your opinion on this! It really helps a lot.
I'm by no means a saint when it comes to fixing our sex life. He knows what I like and what I don't. I have told him and showed him and he's very willing to try. From a strictly mechanical standpoint, we are fine. Physically, I can make him feel good and he can make me feel good. So that part is ok.
I know that I have as many issues as he does, and unfortunately, they're the opposite of his. I was sexually abused for years as a child and then when I married the first time, I lived in a platonic relationship for a man 15 years my senior for 10 years. He knew all of this when we got together. I didn't know anything of his sex life and preferences: the fetishes he has, the proclivity towards wanting to participate in orgies, the obsession with porn, etc.
Somehow I naively thought these things would just work themselves out. We do talk alot about sex, but these talks don't really change anything. I'm still the person who doesn't like foreplay and romance and he still wants to create and act out a fantasy every single night.
I'm starting to wonder if we can ever work this stuff out.