I have had moderate (untreated) depressive feelings for as long as I can remember (since I was a child). The depression is getting worse, I'm starting to get really worried about my ability to be a "functioning" member of society. Worried I will lose my jobs and my ability to pay bills and sink deeper into depression. Today I didn't make it to work, didn't even call the office. Had to stop the car on my way into work because I started crying and couldn't stop. Cried in the park for a couple hours before going back home.

I know I need help, I don't know where to start. Finding a doctor seems like a huge obstacle that is impossible to overcome. I have insurance, but I don't know what it covers in terms of mental health. I don't know if I need a referral. I called my insurance today and they said I could "self refer" - but where do I start? Just calling random therapists and asking for appointments?

I have never been on anti-depressants. I feel like it's going to take so long to find a doctor that will help, and drugs that work, it'll be months before anything gets better.

I guess I am looking for people's experience on finding a therapists... People who can relate to this mind-numbing sense of futility and sorrow.

How did you get diagnosed? How did you find a doctor? How long did you have to wait to be seen the first time? Can you start with a psy doc? Was it hard to get people to take you seriously? Has anything changed after you started meds and counseling?

Part of me feels like I am being ridiculous, and part of me just wishes someone would tell me what to do because i can't seem to figure it out for myself.