Ok I understand you love him and that you are confused about your feelings, but it's abuse. Yes pushing is abuse as much as hitting is. It sounds to me that you already know it's bad, but you are desperately trying to get validation that it isn't. Just because it is less abuse than before doesn't mean that it is better abuse. Abuse is abuse, and you are so used to being in abusive relationships that you are settling for what seems better than before...but it's not...it's just the same.