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Dragoness_Heir88 · Mar 09, 2013, 03:15 AM

First off, awesome job on being sober! I struggled with alcohol for a while and it's still hard not to revert to old habits. Second, my therapist told me that it can take months to years to finally figure out the right combination of prescription drugs and psychotherapy to manage your symptoms. I wanted to slam my face on the table when he told me that. I'm guessing from your post that you're not on rx drugs? Which I'm not judging because I'm totally still in that phase where I believe I can beat this out of sheer will, and the idea of being on meds for an undetermined amount of time scares the bejeezus out of me....I have noticed that being on wellbutrin xl has helped out my depression A LOT, though I'm still a work in progress.

Quote:

Originally Posted by HipsterPat

Dear all,

Since May of 2011, I have been seriously struggling with Type I bipolar disorder. I was in and out of four mental hospitals from the time I was first diagnosed on New Years in 2012 until I was let out of my last visit ever, August 1, 2012.

I am writing this, because I am terribly frustrated... I cannot seem to be stable and healthy for more than a month or so since I had my first depressive episode in May 2011. My illness is like this, I get terribly depressed and sometimes suicidal. I use food and sometimes drugs and alcohol to cope with my feelings (although I'm 7 months sober in AA). I feel life is worth living after a life change (a hospital stay, new school, etc). I ride a good, stable wave for several months and I lose the weight. I finally reach or exceed my desired weight. Then, something happens and lose my routine. I get depressed after an event that really wasn't unexpected or big a deal at all. I eat and eat and eat.

That's where I am at right now. I thought I was over with my bipolar symptoms, but I guess not. At least I'm not drinking or drugging... But, I cannot keep gaining and losing weight. It's embarrassing. I used to play varsity college sports. It's hard to lose weight and I do not want to keep doing it my whole life. I need to learn how to manage my depression without using food to cope. It's a negative circle I get depressed, I eat, I get depressed because I get fat, I eat because I'm fat.

Will I ever be able to learn how to manage my depression without food? I used AA mainly for a food addiction, but now I can't. I relapsed in my mind, but on food, not alcohol.