whew, well yeah, have felt those things and long ago came to believe those are Love and Fear, plain and simple. In fact it can be very helpful to clear the air by applying Love or Fear to just about anything. It's easy. It feels "right" to me. So even when I'm deep down in the pit, that battle is moot because I can go on auto-pilot (or something) and remind myself that wanting to die is just Fear. It takes courage to live with this disease. It takes self-Love. Even when the dark crud overshadows all hope & reason, that's a thread that one can hang on to and get you to the other side... back to Love. hokey?