You sound young still. It might be you need lists and that now as a crutch, but maybe you will grow into some behaviors so you no longer need a list. You don't seem to do them just cuz, but because they actually help you. Just practice a little when you can, not to do exactly everything to perfection. Your mind will protest and maybe even claim it is 100 % organization or none, but it's not true. It's good not to lose structure, but life is better once you allow for a few mistakes. It doesn't mean your whole system is going to come apart, because obviously you need the system.