...now this is a tricky one to explain and to even go there?

when?..everything I know?...everything I understand?

all that is me?... is responsible for everything that I feel...and everything I have ever experienced is?

...responsible for how exactly I feel right now when I am at my weakest!

?...my memory is at it's strongest I only know the past and believe exactly what it's done to me!

...how can I make new decisions upon such extra-ordinary evidence of self!?

how can I change?

...and yet!?...I am so shattered within!... believing there was more and there still is more I can do to stop being so shattered without!

people make mistakes!

I make mistakes!

I somehow insist mine are bigger than everyone elses!
and I'm just an alien baby taking on the wall!

it's not even reality it's so abstract it's utterly ridiculous to think I know what I am doing?


...and I keep climbing anyway


...because there is always someone better...and
what a damn relief!