OP, I read you post on another thread yesterday.

Your choice of username is correct.

You do not know yourself.

You are also incredibly confused about very basic things, and your priorities are completely out of whack. You need serious one on one help.

You married a Christian man in an effort to be straightened out.

That is exactly like a mail order bride from one of the poorer countries who would marry an American/Canadian man she does not care about for immigration benefits.

That is using a man as a tool. People in general prefer to be treated as humans, and not be used as tools.

The difference between you and a mail-order bride lies in the fact that the benefits of immigration to North America are real and fairly well defined. Your 'straightening ' or however you call that which you wished to obtain via marriage is a poorly defined idea in your head.