I can relate to a lot of what you are feeling. I too alternate between feeling helpess and sorrowful and wishing somebody would find a therapist for me, and then feeling ridiculous and chastising myself for being so (insert whatever negative emotion here). Don't feel ridiculous. It is not normal to be crying all the time and feeling so helpless and sad. I know that it feels like a lot of work to find a therapist. At least you have insurance. That is step 1. I am uninsured and unemployed and trust me, it is a lot harder that way. Yes, just start calling therapists and ask if they accept your coverage. So your insurance company already said that you can self refer, which sounds like you do not need a referral. Just start calling, or like Sabra recommended, see your general physician and ask for them to recommend somebody.

Again, please don't feel ridiculous for the way you feel. It is bad enough to feel the way you do, so do not beat yourself up for it on top of things.

Good luck.