The problem with the family event is that it involves a religious service and I have given up religion. The relatives on this side of the family are nice and I am stuck going because it's a memorial for my late orphaned father's best friend / cousin. In short, I am representing my deceased dad; none of my siblings are going. It's a schlep too.

The bigger problem is my life - I don't have one. I am just sitting around waiting for time to pass while I rage inside. I don't have good skills. At this point in my life, I am not expecting my streak of bad luck and poor skills to improve. I am so full of rage. My T - in my last session - kept trying to focus on my "moods." I was hoping for psychodynamic treatment and not cognitive therapy. Frankly, my moods are better than many members of my family though it's not enough. Without the interpersonal skills to hold a job or have friends, I am just miserable. I feel that I am less than human because of the basic things I have not been able to accomplish. My upbringing was so lacking in the basics of life . . . I have taken myself as far as I can and have not made progress in years. All the bullying and neglect that I've endured has me defeated. People can bully me and, when I try to stand up, I am told that I am wrong and that I should just take it like I am worthless. I don't see the point in trying anymore.