I now know that this school was a mismatch for me since I had a day when my vitality returned and I realized that all my playful, creative sides were being pushed away by having to perform according to their hyper-professional sense that had to do with being more like a scientist.

But today after being told I would no longer have access to my online account there, I had to go through very quickly and pull out all the important documents, some of which an attorney might need. It pulled me back into the feeling of being a victim of their bad treatment of me.

I ended up writing a note to each of my professors letting them know the truth about what happened, that this whole thing should have been taken as a reaction to a medication and nothing more.

I don't think I will hear back, not even from the ones who were on my side and wanted to talk after this all settled down. I left them contact information, but I have a feeling that they won't write to me.

The problem is bigger than the one email. I was open about having PTSD, because it is part of why I want to be a therapist, and it is basically in control except on certain occasions.

I think the school used that information against me, even though they should know better. It's not in the dismissal letter, which only mentions the single email, but I have a feeling they formed an opinion that is prejudiced against people who say that have something like PTSD.

I feel like I'll never be open about this anymore. People seem not to be able to handle it. They pretend they can for a while. But if something comes up, they are quick to jump to conclusions.

PTSD is also not my fault. It is obvious caused by outside trauma. They should be sympathetic and amazed that I'm so well-functioning that I could do their program. Instead I'm being treated like some sort of psycho. I was also told I was no longer allowed on campus without an "escort" as if I'm a terrorist. They are acting so weird and also mean that it makes no sense and makes me spin around and around in a crazy-making attempt to put it together and make it make sense. But it doesn't.

I wish I could just get away from it somehow. If someone has a suggestion about how to take such a disruption that could have a serious impact on me, even trigger PTSD again, please let me know. Thanks.