Well. I was supposed to go to the Women's Expo downtown with one of my meetup groups today but of course, like I always do, I talked myself out of it. I felt like, meh, I don't know these people super well and I already feel depressed about not having any close friends. Plus the Women's Expo is all about selling you things and I don't have any money. Whatever; it was only $7 to get in and there are all kinds of demos from massage places and food places. There are even wine and cocktail samples. I would have had fun and could have dressed cute, too. I always do that as well: I talk myself out of doing something and then realize I would have had a lot of fun. I suck.

But I'm sitting here wallowing, missing the friend I lost again. It's only been a week since I lost that friendship so I guess it's okay to still be mourning. But I have to get over it. It's just that I don't have anyone else that I can just call up to go to coffee or to lunch/dinner. Or anyone who would go to Detroit Tigers games or to concerts with me. My other close friend has a family. She is really involved in her church, homeschools her kids, and doesn't drink so definitely wouldn't go to the bar to just shoot the breeze with me. All I wanted for my 35th birthday was to go to a Tigers game, and "J" and I were planning on going, we just hadn't finalized tickets yet. Now I have no one to go with, and nothing to do on my birthday. I'm going to be doing the same thing on my 35th that I did on my 30th: working, then coming home alone to do nothing. I always do this too: I help plan things for so many other people for their big days. I can't tell you how many 30th birthday parties I've assisted with. I buy gifts for people for different events or contribute to gifts. But when my special days come around, no one is there. I know we don't give things to get things, it just sucks, you know? I would like people to be there for me, too. I love giving gifts but...I'd like to get gifts too and I'm always on the losing end when it comes to that. People are always gone by the time my birthday comes around. I hope that doesn't sound selfish.

Anyway. Sorry I'm being depressing today.