More observations and thoughts.

Based on your account, in your words, you dated and she had orgasms. Does it mean you had premarital sex? How is that consistent with her tradition?

She uses sex toys. While I do not have first hand knowledge of sex toys (no pun intended), from what I have read about them I gather that they are by and large a technological innovation of the 20th century that is continued to be improved and redesigned in this century. If she is bound by her allegiance to the tradition that goes back to millenia BC, how did she dare to adopt this new technology?

I do not have a close enough relattionship with my Indian friends to know whether masturbation is ok within the Indian tradition, so I do not know if your wife has been daring in that regard also.

I am trying to demonstrate to you that through her actions and words she has sent you a bunch of internally inconsistent messages and you should not feel obligated to treat any of them as gospel (plus, you cannot any way since they are internally inconsistent).