I have two kids... one that will be 22 in Sept... and she will be a mom for the second time in July and a son that is 19...I do think of them and what it would do to them if I did something to myself... but then there are the moments that it really don't matter.
I went to a wedding on the 8th of May and being alone the whole night really made my depression worse. It was my brothers wedding and even he didn't talk to me that night or the night before. We drove the two hours, stayed in a motel, and the only one I spent my weekend with was my grandson.... Yes, I love my grandson very much but I do know that if I were to leave his life now he is young enough it woudn't make much of a difference. Maybe I should have stayed in the hospital a little longer...and got through some more of the ECT before going home but it just was not a place that I really felt like I needed to be and didn't talk to anyone there any way so why not come home and spend the time alone like I was here.
I think I'm at a point that I can talk myself into death faster then life right now...not a good time for me to be talking to anyone.... sorry for the depressing point of view.